When I Stopped Explaining Myself

On desire, intention, and letting movement lead

There was a long time when I thought explanation was something we did for other people.
To make our choices make sense.
To soften our edges.
To earn permission.

What I’ve learned is that explanation usually starts much closer to home.

We justify ourselves to ourselves first.

We build a case before we act.
We wait until the timing feels defensible.
We call this responsibility.

But responsibility is often a displacement for desire.

I learned that early. Growing up amid relational instability and economic uncertainty, wanting something had to be weighed. Deferred. Explained. Survival required logic before motion. And so I learned that if something mattered, it needed justification before it deserved movement.

That lesson followed me.

Qualifications.
Credentials.
Experience.
Timing.
Relationships.

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If this reflection is stirring something in you, the habit of waiting, the need to explain desire before honoring it, the rest of this piece explores what happened when I stopped waiting, and what became available once intention led.

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