When Influence Masks Leadership: My Journey From “Good Leader” to Authentic Growth

How a humbling departure revealed the critical difference between inspiring action and truly cultivating others.

I used to believe I was a good leader. People embraced my vision, followed my direction, and together, we achieved our mission, experiencing exponential growth and widespread acclaim. Yet, when I departed to pursue new ventures, the carefully constructed image of myself as a leader began to unravel.

It started subtly, with unsolicited messages hinting at what “people” were saying about me in my absence. Then came the discomfort of shared spaces, where some of the very individuals I had “led” would conspicuously avoid eye contact. The low point, I thought, was attending the organization's annual event, witnessing earnest individuals I cared for choose to ignore me. But the true culmination arrived when I facilitated a panel at a community event where the organization was present, and the majority of those I had served alongside chose not to attend my session.

I won't lie; my initial reaction was ego-driven, a harsh critique of their behavior. I resorted to what felt familiar: commiserating with others to affirm my narrative, crafting stories that cast me as the misunderstood hero. While validating in the moment, it felt fundamentally wrong. Something was out of alignment.

In this journey, I’ve learned that curiosity, when actively embraced, can anchor us in the present and open us to invaluable lessons from those we might otherwise dismiss through our judgments. With curiosity as my guide, a transformative learning journey began. As I allowed the feedback to be instructive, a crucial distinction became clear: I had conflated being an "Influencer" with being a "Leader." While the two share characteristics, they are distinctly different.

When I left the organization, my influence departed with me. Those who had begrudgingly adhered to my vision were no longer compelled by my positional power; they simply stopped. Moreover, the feedback that had been suppressed during my tenure, due to my significant influence and positional authority, flowed freely in my absence.

In hindsight, my lack of understanding regarding the difference between influencing and leading led to unintended consequences. Both approaches are vital, but operating without clarity about which domain we're in can unintentionally cause harm to the people and the movements we are collectively building.